itsdaniriley

So I just found this rough draft and wondered why I never shared it. Almost a year later, here it is. 24:

6/16/2018

Yesterday I turned 24 years old.

I have always been a thinker, quite the sensitive soul. God has made me this way. I think deep about mostly everything and attach sentimental value to most experiences and even most things I suppose. People who know me know this about me.

Recently, I have been thinking about my life over the past 24 years. I’ve thought about how much has happened and how much things have changed from time to time. I’ve thought about different seasons that I have journeyed through. The tears, the laughs, the sleepless nights, and some of the best years of my life. I’ve thought about how some things have come full circle. How some people have come, and how they have gone. I’ve thought about how I have experienced things I never thought I would, both good and bad. I’ve found myself contemplating it all.

I was thinking about how very naive and innocent I used to be when I was younger. I was thinking that in a way those times were so sweet, so easy. Being a child and not having a care in the world suddenly seems like it was a lifetime ago.

Thinking about the last 24 years was like a journey in itself. I have felt homesick for the past, thankfulness for how far I have come, excitement for the future…so many different and swirling emotions. This is what happens when you are a sensitive and deep thinker like I am I guess. I’m sure some people can relate. I like to believe that looking back on 24 wholesome, great, and difficult years of life more than qualifies for a few sappy tears. Life is a beautiful thing. My life has been beautiful.

You know how every year on your birthday people ask you “So, do you feel any older?” And usually, the answer is always no, you just feel the same. Well, I think this year was the first year nobody asked me that and the first year I actually felt older.

I don’t necessarily mean it as the bad thing that some people see it as. I know getting older has this big negative cloud around it. And don’t get me wrong I have found myself dramatically looking at my face picking out every tiny wrinkle I have. Dramatically complaining to my loved ones how “old” I look now. But that’s not what I mean when I say I actually feel older this year. I’m 24 years old, and I feel like I have been through significant life changes. I feel like throughout my life, I have known both beauty and pain. I’ve come to learn through contemplation and reflection that in the end the beauty either overshadows the pain or it is what is left of the pain.

I have been brought to my knees.

I have known depth of the night.

I have felt the high of a mountain top.

I have felt hopelessness.

I have experienced love.

I have been reminded of the ‘fragileness’ of life.

I have known the undying support of a family who loves me.

There is so much more that I have known, felt, experienced, been, etc….24 years has been a roller coaster. And I am thankful for all of it. All of it. God has allowed for me to be brought to my knees only so that I would be able to experience His love at a larger degree.